Trial by Fire

Parenthood has been a wonderful adventure and I can honestly say that I knew what to expect and that I had no idea what was going to happen. Everything has been trial by fire and I have definitely made some mistakes. But I think that there are some areas that I have made the right decisions.

One of those trial by fire experiences was definitely learning to breastfeed in the beginning. In the hospital it seemed pretty easy, Roly Poly seemed to know what she was doing, she was getting what she needed. But as soon as we got home everything fell apart. She stopped eating because she was jaundiced, and was getting20150909_135811 more jaundiced because she stopped eating. Unfortunately it is a never-ending cycle. We had to see a lactation consultant to get everything figured out but eventually we did. We are still going strong.

Unfortunately, along with learning to breastfeed I had to figure out what to do in the time she was eating. Sometimes she would eat for an hour at a time, then do it all over again an hour later. I loved those special moments with her but there was only so much sitting a staring that I could do. It just gets so boring. So I binge-watched shows on Netflix, read books on my Kindle, and spent inordinate amounts of time on Facebook and Pinterest. All of these things are wonderful. Before having Roly Poly I would use them on and off, sometimes in excess, then would get too busy again to use them much. But with all the time I had at home with a sleeping and/or eating baby I had to find something to do. So in pops my addictive tendencies. I would spend all of my free time, with her in my arms or not, using one or all of these things. I went through at least 3 or 4 entire shows (with more than 6 seasons each) in a matter of months. I found all kinds of recipes and projects I wanted to tackle. I read countless books.

As the months continued it got bad enough that BJ was commenting on how often I was on my phone. I was starting to spend more time on my phone than focusing on Roly Poly. I wasn’t neglecting her. I was still spending time with her, playing with her, feeding her, holding her when she cried. But during these times I would usually be on my phone. And I never was doing anything important, I just couldn’t seem to put it down. Cue addictive tendencies.

Finally, only about two weeks ago, I decided to deactivate my Facebook account, and remove all the things I was spending too much time on from my phone. No more Facebook, Pinterest, useless games, pretty much anything that could distract me from all the wonderful – and sometimes annoying – things Roly Poly does during the day. I can’t say it’s been easy, and I still pick up my phone every now and then thinking I’ll just look something up or occupy my time with something trivial. But I know that in taking away the useless “drivel”, as my dad calls it, I’ll be able to more fully enjoy the things going on around me and be more present in my daughter’s life.



One thought on “Trial by Fire

  1. You are doing so well, I couldn’t be more pleased with your motherhood. Good choice deleting Facebook. Strong is your will! I kinda like the alternative news you can sometimes get but it seems to be mostly bad news.
    Beautiful family you have going baby girl. Love you 😊


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